Is life a bowl of cherries?

I woke up this morning with a migraine.  I do this from time to time…..  I took a couple of over the counter head ache pills, drank lots of coffee and the migraine became tolerable.  It’s been raining since last night, so I didn’t do much of anything but goof off all day hoping the headache would go away. It’s midnight and I’ve been unsuccessfully trying to go to sleep  I don’t know if you do this or not, but whenever I can’t sleep I start immediately thinking about the things that have been going on in my life lately.  You know, the things you want to forget, or at least not think about…. but then here I am rewriting all these scenario’s in my head over and over again. About three years ago I divorced my high school sweetheart after 32 years of marriage.  Don’t ask, it’s too much information to dissolve at midnight. Well, just a little, If I want to be honest, I must say that my marriage was not ever what you would consider “Happily ever after”, but we had our great moments.  Happy memories were made.  But toward the end, it was “Hell on Earth!”  Any hoot, after coming home last month and spending a lot of time discussing life with my father I have realized lately that I’m running men off.  Literally running them off!  I don’t seem to be able to stop myself.  I told my father today, that I think I’m just gun shy.  The initial interest is alluring, then if the male starts acting interested, I grow cold.  Like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde  Hell, they must think I’m off my rocker.  It probably makes them quite confused. After I took one of my prescription strength migrain pills earlier, I ended up having to eat something to keep my stomach from attacking me, so I started eating cherries.  Ranier cherries, are the best in the world.  I’m  sitting there eating one cherry right after the other and I realized something. You know that feeling that you get right about the time your finishing your last bite of that food that you love.  That sense of disappointment that it’s over. It’s that disappointment that I’m trying to avoid. It’s hard to admit, but I’m doing that very thing in my relationships.  I am afraid of the disappointment that “may never come”.  My mind can’t consider a relationship without an unhappy ending. Now, what to do?  I am screwing my life up!  Me, all by myself…..  What is that saying, figuring out what the problem is, is the first step to correcting the problem.  Step 1 is done, now on I go.