What happened to my website?

Where did my website go?

Where did my box of crayons go?

I quit my day job, as some of you may remember from my previous posts.  It’s really pretty exciting, ok…. maybe a little bit scarey!

I have been living with my elderly father for the past 2 years and it has been rewarding and it has been trying.
I promised my Mom on her death bed that I would move home to make sure Dad was alright.  To make sure Dad ate.  To make sure Dad didn’t loose or misplace everything in this house.
My Dad is 89 years old.  He looks about 70.  He has never been one to sit down and rest unless he was so tired his body wouldn’t let him do anything else.  None of this has changed.  He can still fix his lunch.  Still fixes his cereal in the morning. He became a bit OCD about his laundry in the military and my abilities in the laundry room just do not suit him, so he does his own laundry.  I’m as sorry as I can be, but I can not iron creases in all his cotton shirts and darts in his cotton pants.  I don’t know this for a fact, but I believe there is reason to believe Mom ironed his blue jeans.  Ah, he also still calls them dungaries.
Dad and I have always butted heads.  Not severely, and never in a manner that would last for too terribly long, but we don’t do things the same.  Dads views are that he wants to know how things work, what makes them work, why do we want them to work.  My view, it works so use it.
When I started going through the pantry and cabinets, the frig and the freezer there was a recurring problem.  There were 6 boxes of cereal, 4 of which I knew Dad did not like.  There were 3 containers of Morton salt, 4 bags of rice, 8 or 9 cans of tomato soup.  And enough frozen food with enough preservatives to kill a small army.  I spent at least 9 months trying to get rid of that stuff in a fashion that would not cause any more undue health problems.
Ha!  This was suppose to be a post about my box of crayons missing and it’s just about Dad.  Well, maybe it is about me loosing my box of crayons.
 
No one thought I would work when I moved back home.  Well, Dad didn’t think that I would work after I got home.  But, I did.  While I was still living in Nashville I worked in the public school system after leaving the insurance industry in 2007, maybe 2008.  It doesn’t matter, I left the insurance industry after 25 years. After I returned home to be with Dad I decided to stay in education, but after 2 years, it just didn’t work out.
I am too old to deal with 5,6,and 7 year old children and come home and take care of Dad.  Can’t do it!  I have just got to start building some more stamina!  I just have too!  Don’t say a word, I know I told you that he could do for himself, but please try to remember that I also told you he has a bad habit of loosing everything.  Everything! And, he doesn’t know how to fry chicken.
Dad can not throw a magazine or periodical or newsletter away.  The coffee table is full of magazines from the 90’s.  Maybe even the 80’s.  We moved all his old paperwork from paper boxes to plastic boxes and there were things in those boxes back to the 70’s.  The only reason we need these are because Dad can’t stand to part with them.  I found some more magazines and periodicals stacked beside his bed.  I won the argument about the plastic containers being safer than paper, but there is no need in even trying to get rid of all those magazines.  None, whatsoever!
So, here I am on the starting line of a new adventure.  Dad is scared out of his mind.  He doesn’t really want me to do this, but he tries not to say anything.  I’m afraid!  I’m excited!  I’m nervous!  and now after being away from my own website for a year, or two…. I can’t find it!
I didn’t mean to let it disappear, but I did!  Now, I will have to start all over!  From scratch.  But, my daughter wants to help me.  I hope she has time.  I’m hoping that if she points me in the right direction, I can take it from there.  She wanted me to change it anyway, so I’m sure she is glad.  I hope I am glad, but it will be awhile before I know for sure.
My etsy shoppe is still there…. http://www.etsy.com/allbeckyscreations
My facebook page is still there…..  www.facebook.com/allbeckyscreations.
And, I’m sitting here writing of my faux pauxs in the life of rediscovery while my Dad just left to go out and spend the day and early evening with friends.  While I sit here thinking of all the things I need to do to get this ball rolling.
I really think that both of us are helping both of us!
There will come a time, I hope in the distant future that I will “Need” to be here all the time.  Until then, I will once again get this new online store set up and I will enjoy Dad!
Oh yeah, did I tell you that I brought my dog back home with me and now he thinks Dad is his master.
It’s really pretty sweet!

Gearing Up!

As you can see, when I moved into my studio 2 years ago, it was very organized, clean and an attractive place if I must say so myself.
After quiting my day job, I vowed to put my entire self into creating my stores and make a name for myself within the art world.

Now my studio looks like this…

 

Projects galore, already finished a custom order and working on another. Such a terrific feeling!
I am tremendously enjoying myself, this is just so much fun! I started on my first drawing in a very long time. I felt like my pencils deserved to come to life again.

IMG_0833

I am truly excited about this one… As you can see bricks are involved… I love to draw bricks! Yay!

as Scarlett O’Hara once said….” Tomorrow is another day!”

starting-over-life-quotes-sayings-pictures

 We will talk again…..

AllBeckysCreations

Collage
It’s so much fun! It is official, AllBeckysCreations is now an official full time job!Some times people get distracted by life, and the things that they love become something they loved. I almost allowed this to happen due to some expected and unexpected circumstances. I saw a video on YouTube explaining gelli prints. I had seen so many on Etsy and Facebook, I had to check it out. After watching these video’s I ordered a gelli plate for myself and began experimenting. Sometimes it just takes a spark to start a fire. Well, I’m on fire. I have also been painting, drawing and doing some painted letters, but this collage thing is great! It’s just so much fun and the sky is the limit to what can be done! You will see much more of me in the future, lots of work to add to my Etsy Shoppe. I’ve been doing a good bit of custom orders, which I really enjoy. (hint hint) Stay tuned for more!
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ~Norman Vincent Peale

As Dad and I enter into this Christmas season we are once again confronted with our ability to successfully deal with our grief over Mom’s passing last May.

We spent Thanksgiving with my sister.  There is strength in numbers.  We lovingly and successfully got through the experience with a great deal of joy and thankfulness.

After Thanksgiving dinner I set out to decorate the cabin.  Nanny’s cabin.  The family always spends Thanksgiving at the cabin.  We have for many years.  I was so afraid it would be too sad, but it wasn’t.  I found a great deal of peace and contentment being in that place that Nanny loved.

I have planned ever since that day to spend this weekend decorating the house in town.  When I went down stairs to get the decorations,  I pulled the decorations out of the closet only to find myself sinking into a devistating mood of not just melancholy, but remorse.

Due to this sense of terminal loss, I feel it necessary to walk through these stages of grief.  I need to make sure that I am doing this right.  I need to make sure that my journey to acceptance and understanding isn’t blocked from my own doing.

Schroeder in tree

denial –  As the reality of loss is hard to face, one of the first reactions to follow the loss is Denial. The person is trying to shut out the reality or magnitude of his/her situation, and begins to develop a false, preferable reality.

I am all too aware of my loss.  Living with Dad has helped me get through this state.

anger – Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. The person in question can be angry with himself, or with others, or at a higher power, and especially those who are close to them.

******* This is it!  I am angry!  I am sad!  I am mad at God!  My mothers grandmother lived to be 111 years old.  My grandmother lived to be 99.  I spent my entire life thinking that Mom would live this long too.  How dare God take her away from me before at least 99.  How dare him!

   “I want her back!” 

Of course I am an adult.  I know, I am all too aware that getting her back is impossible.  I guess that is where some of the anger I feel comes from.

Can I do this Christmas thing without her.  I’m not naive enough to think that it will stop.  I know that somehow we will muddle through. And, I believe that if there is a way.  If it is at all possible, Mom will be there with us.  She is with us now!  She never wanted to leave.  There was just nothing that anyone could do to stop it.

bargaining –   The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow undo or avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle.

Well, maybe I’m here too.  Can you be in a number of stages all at the same time.  This, I will have to discuss with my therapist.

depression –  “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die soon so what’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”

Ok, well I’m moving into this one too!  That’s it!  I’ll just move through all three of these together.  I won’t have to deal with them one at a time.  I can look forward to a time when I’m ok with all this.

Mom had a life well lived!  She was an exemplary roll model for a whole lot of people.  Her life and mission made others lives and missions more possible.

She had this overwhelming ability to cause all that were with her to feel better.  She brought hope, where there was none.  She caused love and joy where it had not existed before.

And, the most important of all…. she did it very humbly.  Never wanting anything for herself, only for those whose lives she touched.  And, there were many that were touched.

She would not have me suffering, so I will do all in my power to work through all these steps faithfully and wholly.

You see, there was a time in my life when I suffered great devistation.  I chose to deny what I had been through.  I did what the definition fully implies. ” The person is trying to shut out the reality or magnitude of his/her situation, and begins to develop a false, preferable reality.”   This nearly cost me my life, it did cause my loss of happiness and joy.  It cost so many years of my life, that I dare not think about them all.  Mom helped me through all of it and helped me to get to the other side.  I will honor her life and her presence in mine by not allowing that to happen again.

This Christmas!  This time of Christmas that Mom and I loved and cherished will be spent in remembrance of her love, her life and all that she did.  Not just for me but for so many others.

                                            “I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.”

                                                                                Charles DickensFuzzy Christmas!

Autumn!

just about autumn

October is right around the corner….  pumpkins, apple cider, crisp weather to bring the sweater out.  I especially love the colors, and I am now only 30 to 45 minutes away from the North Georgia mountains!  Yay!  Crafts fairs, apple festivals, tourists….  that is something everyone has to tolerate.  The one thing about living in Nashville, TN that you come to understand is that tourists feed the city.  They make it Music City, so some people coming in to see the pretty leaves should not be completely unpleasant, because I understand now how important they are to a communities existence.  

I’ve been in Georgia for 3 months.  Dad and I have reintroduced ourselves to eachothers idiosyncrasies.  I have settled into a regular routine.  

Now, I have attracted some germ into my life.  I don’t know whether it’s the emotional upheaval I have been in since May.  I don’t know if it’s from all the activity in my life since Mom passed, or the kids.  Working in a non profit intervention center for disabled children does bring the germs about.

I went to the doctor and all he could say was it wasn’t strep throat.  He just chalked it up to some kid, in my line of work that is ofter all doctors consider when I go into their office with some funk in my chest. I’m taking a Z-pak, into my fourth day and I’m still sore all over and feeling miserable.  

This is all ticking me off.  Autumn is one of my favorite seasons.  From the first day of Autumn til the beginning of winter and Christmas and New Year.  Oh, it feels me with so many great feelings and happy thoughts.  So this germ, whatever his name is, must go!  He must go now!  ( notice I made him a male, Ha! )  Not to slam all men, some of my favorite people are men, I just don’t have alot of those.

I have things to do, creations to create.  There are paintings and drawings downstairs waiting for me.  

Not to forget, and in many ways the most important thing that I must get over this funk for…..

http://supportgc.org/events/a-broads-brush-2014/

I will get well, I will!  This autumn will be the best so far.  I will not let this germ destroy my autumn.  I will persevere!  

sick