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Where did my box of crayons go?
I quit my day job, as some of you may remember from my previous posts. It’s really pretty exciting, ok…. maybe a little bit scarey!
As you can see, when I moved into my studio 2 years ago, it was very organized, clean and an attractive place if I must say so myself.
After quiting my day job, I vowed to put my entire self into creating my stores and make a name for myself within the art world.
Now my studio looks like this…
Projects galore, already finished a custom order and working on another. Such a terrific feeling!
I am tremendously enjoying myself, this is just so much fun! I started on my first drawing in a very long time. I felt like my pencils deserved to come to life again.
I am truly excited about this one… As you can see bricks are involved… I love to draw bricks! Yay!
as Scarlett O’Hara once said….” Tomorrow is another day!”
We will talk again…..
It’s so much fun! It is official, AllBeckysCreations is now an official full time job!Some times people get distracted by life, and the things that they love become something they loved. I almost allowed this to happen due to some expected and unexpected circumstances. I saw a video on YouTube explaining gelli prints. I had seen so many on Etsy and Facebook, I had to check it out. After watching these video’s I ordered a gelli plate for myself and began experimenting. Sometimes it just takes a spark to start a fire. Well, I’m on fire. I have also been painting, drawing and doing some painted letters, but this collage thing is great! It’s just so much fun and the sky is the limit to what can be done! You will see much more of me in the future, lots of work to add to my Etsy Shoppe. I’ve been doing a good bit of custom orders, which I really enjoy. (hint hint) Stay tuned for more!
As Dad and I enter into this Christmas season we are once again confronted with our ability to successfully deal with our grief over Mom’s passing last May.
We spent Thanksgiving with my sister. There is strength in numbers. We lovingly and successfully got through the experience with a great deal of joy and thankfulness.
After Thanksgiving dinner I set out to decorate the cabin. Nanny’s cabin. The family always spends Thanksgiving at the cabin. We have for many years. I was so afraid it would be too sad, but it wasn’t. I found a great deal of peace and contentment being in that place that Nanny loved.
I have planned ever since that day to spend this weekend decorating the house in town. When I went down stairs to get the decorations, I pulled the decorations out of the closet only to find myself sinking into a devistating mood of not just melancholy, but remorse.
Due to this sense of terminal loss, I feel it necessary to walk through these stages of grief. I need to make sure that I am doing this right. I need to make sure that my journey to acceptance and understanding isn’t blocked from my own doing.
denial – As the reality of loss is hard to face, one of the first reactions to follow the loss is Denial. The person is trying to shut out the reality or magnitude of his/her situation, and begins to develop a false, preferable reality.
I am all too aware of my loss. Living with Dad has helped me get through this state.
anger – Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. The person in question can be angry with himself, or with others, or at a higher power, and especially those who are close to them.
******* This is it! I am angry! I am sad! I am mad at God! My mothers grandmother lived to be 111 years old. My grandmother lived to be 99. I spent my entire life thinking that Mom would live this long too. How dare God take her away from me before at least 99. How dare him!
“I want her back!”
Of course I am an adult. I know, I am all too aware that getting her back is impossible. I guess that is where some of the anger I feel comes from.
Can I do this Christmas thing without her. I’m not naive enough to think that it will stop. I know that somehow we will muddle through. And, I believe that if there is a way. If it is at all possible, Mom will be there with us. She is with us now! She never wanted to leave. There was just nothing that anyone could do to stop it.
bargaining – The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow undo or avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle.
Well, maybe I’m here too. Can you be in a number of stages all at the same time. This, I will have to discuss with my therapist.
depression – “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die soon so what’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”
Ok, well I’m moving into this one too! That’s it! I’ll just move through all three of these together. I won’t have to deal with them one at a time. I can look forward to a time when I’m ok with all this.
Mom had a life well lived! She was an exemplary roll model for a whole lot of people. Her life and mission made others lives and missions more possible.
She had this overwhelming ability to cause all that were with her to feel better. She brought hope, where there was none. She caused love and joy where it had not existed before.
And, the most important of all…. she did it very humbly. Never wanting anything for herself, only for those whose lives she touched. And, there were many that were touched.
She would not have me suffering, so I will do all in my power to work through all these steps faithfully and wholly.
You see, there was a time in my life when I suffered great devistation. I chose to deny what I had been through. I did what the definition fully implies. ” The person is trying to shut out the reality or magnitude of his/her situation, and begins to develop a false, preferable reality.” This nearly cost me my life, it did cause my loss of happiness and joy. It cost so many years of my life, that I dare not think about them all. Mom helped me through all of it and helped me to get to the other side. I will honor her life and her presence in mine by not allowing that to happen again.
This Christmas! This time of Christmas that Mom and I loved and cherished will be spent in remembrance of her love, her life and all that she did. Not just for me but for so many others.
“I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.”
October is right around the corner…. pumpkins, apple cider, crisp weather to bring the sweater out. I especially love the colors, and I am now only 30 to 45 minutes away from the North Georgia mountains! Yay! Crafts fairs, apple festivals, tourists…. that is something everyone has to tolerate. The one thing about living in Nashville, TN that you come to understand is that tourists feed the city. They make it Music City, so some people coming in to see the pretty leaves should not be completely unpleasant, because I understand now how important they are to a communities existence.
I’ve been in Georgia for 3 months. Dad and I have reintroduced ourselves to eachothers idiosyncrasies. I have settled into a regular routine.
Now, I have attracted some germ into my life. I don’t know whether it’s the emotional upheaval I have been in since May. I don’t know if it’s from all the activity in my life since Mom passed, or the kids. Working in a non profit intervention center for disabled children does bring the germs about.
I went to the doctor and all he could say was it wasn’t strep throat. He just chalked it up to some kid, in my line of work that is ofter all doctors consider when I go into their office with some funk in my chest. I’m taking a Z-pak, into my fourth day and I’m still sore all over and feeling miserable.
This is all ticking me off. Autumn is one of my favorite seasons. From the first day of Autumn til the beginning of winter and Christmas and New Year. Oh, it feels me with so many great feelings and happy thoughts. So this germ, whatever his name is, must go! He must go now! ( notice I made him a male, Ha! ) Not to slam all men, some of my favorite people are men, I just don’t have alot of those.
I have things to do, creations to create. There are paintings and drawings downstairs waiting for me.
Not to forget, and in many ways the most important thing that I must get over this funk for…..
I will get well, I will! This autumn will be the best so far. I will not let this germ destroy my autumn. I will persevere!
I am so so sick of scammers!
They are everywhere, playing their little games to try to entice you to do just about anything and everything they can think of. Let me tell you what they have tried, and have done to me.
As some of you may know, I have some websites that I sell my art work on. I have several, plus my own website. I’ll wait and list the web addresses at the bottom. I told you that to tell you this……
Last week I get this email from a person who said they were a personal shopper for an “Important import/export mogul.
Ok, I need to stop here to explain something to those that might be novices…. ( any of these jobs are a alert button that should go off so that you can do some digging into this person, because from my experience, they are trying to scam you…. They are – import export moguls, international jewelers, contractors who build big, real important buildings in exotic places, Dubai is a favorite, and of course people from small out of the way foreign lands who have recently moved to the US.)
This person said she was with this company that after I looked it up, did not exist. And, she said she worked for this man importing and exporting his important wares. He had seen my Etsy shop and wanted to make an extremely large purchase.
Ok, I looked the address of this mogul up and it was for a gift shop in Japan. Not a important import export mogul. Just a modest shop. So, my ‘this person is a scammer button’ went off.
I sent this female personal shopper a letter and told her that I would be glad to sell this import/export mogul all my creations, but she and he needed to go through Etsy and purchase them from my Etsy shop.
She told me that she had a liason that would contact me about picking up the items that said mogul wanted.
I told her to forget it, I would not do business with anyone unless they were willing to go through the correct channels established by the company I sold my art work through.
Today, OMG, today I get this damn email from some Asian type giving me the email for this liason.
OMG! How many times do I have to say this….?
I just deleted the email and I will delete any other emails that come, because I am up to my eyeballs in scammers. And,
I wish I could say that this was my first encounter with a scammer, but oh I can not do that. Scammers have been bothering me since I joined Match.com after I divorced and moved out on my own. You might want to say I was easy prey, but I did not stay that way long.
I already wrote about one of these said scammers, not like the one’s that try to steal your bank account, or the ones who try to get into your credit cards, these are the ones that play with your emotions and only to steal your identity. And, I can tell you that most of us don’t understand why anyone would want our identity, but if you give it to someone, it will be hell getting it back.
I had this guy, he befriended me on Match. The photo that he supplied was absolutely to good to be true. He said he just wanted to be friends, because I looked like such a sweet and kind person. You must understand that I had not dated for 32 years. “32 YEARS”!
This went on quite a while, he learned my computer use schedule and he would send me messages and sonnets and tell me his woe’s as he “built a hospital in China”. After time, it got very romantic, and then hot and bothered…. I don’t remember when I first decided he was just scamming me, but I got very suspicious, but what the heck…. we could keep going as long as it took to find out what his plan was….
Ok, this went on for weeks! Usually they attack and run, but this guy played this through no matter how long it took.
One day while at work, I get this phone call from him and he was crying… sounded pretty fake but I listened as he told me his daughter, who he had taken to China with him because he was going to be gone so long was in the hospital. He said that she had been hit by a car during the day while with her private tutor while he was a work. I was sympathetic, but an alert went off in my head. You see Match tells you from the get go what to look for and what to do when you find a scammer. I’m not playing this like they told me to, not at all.
I really got pretty mad that he would try such a despicable reason. I was so torn at first because half of my co workers were saying he was a scam while others were appalled that we would think such a thing. I didn’t know what to do. Until, he called one day to say that he had run out of money and couldn’t afford the hospital for his daughter any more. What, I thought he was an international contractor who affords private tutors and he can’t pay his daughters hospital bills.
He started pestering me for money. Over and over again I told him I couldn’t afford to send him any money, I didn’t have money to send. Then, the minute I quit communicating with him at all was when I received the email telling me that his daughter had passed away and it was all my fault.
OMG! that is about as low as it goes. I thought to myself that I had heard it all. I could not believe that someone would go to those lengths to get my money. Oh, but I was wrong, because that wasn’t the last scammer in my life while on dating sites. Oh, not by a long shot. Every time I would think that no one could top that, and then some despicable ass would show up and prove me wrong!
When I was a little girl the basement was a scarey place.
Each stair was just a step without a back, so I thought that if you were small enough, you could slip right through.
Mothers sewing room was in the very back of the house. A large and stark room with concrete block walls and a concrete floor.
During the day, it was no problem going downstairs for any reason in the world, but at night…. Ooh, that was a different subject. I mean, to walk quickly might cause me to go through the back of the stairs and fall to my death, but if I didn’t run…. that evil thing that lived in the basement might attack! It was such a dilemna in my life!
Sometimes Mom did minor alterations upstairs while we all watched tv. There were many occasions when she would realize that she had forgotten something and needed that something to complete her work. The next thing I would hear was, “Becky, go get my seam ripper from the drawer of the sewing cabinet please.” Oh no! “MOM! I don’t want to go, can’t you take a break and run down and get it ?”. She would just laugh and say, “Nothing is going to get you, silly!” But she just didn’t know! Then she would say, “Just go turn the lights on before you start down, then wait til you get to the top of the stairs before you turn them off. If you see anything, or anyone that’s not suppose to be here, hollar.”, oh I was gonna hollar alright! I figured I’d scream so loud the neighbors would hear, and they would come save me! I would reluctantly run down the stairs as Mom would hollar, “Don’t fall!”