AllBeckysCreations

Collage
It’s so much fun! It is official, AllBeckysCreations is now an official full time job!Some times people get distracted by life, and the things that they love become something they loved. I almost allowed this to happen due to some expected and unexpected circumstances. I saw a video on YouTube explaining gelli prints. I had seen so many on Etsy and Facebook, I had to check it out. After watching these video’s I ordered a gelli plate for myself and began experimenting. Sometimes it just takes a spark to start a fire. Well, I’m on fire. I have also been painting, drawing and doing some painted letters, but this collage thing is great! It’s just so much fun and the sky is the limit to what can be done! You will see much more of me in the future, lots of work to add to my Etsy Shoppe. I’ve been doing a good bit of custom orders, which I really enjoy. (hint hint) Stay tuned for more!
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ~Norman Vincent Peale

As Dad and I enter into this Christmas season we are once again confronted with our ability to successfully deal with our grief over Mom’s passing last May.

We spent Thanksgiving with my sister.  There is strength in numbers.  We lovingly and successfully got through the experience with a great deal of joy and thankfulness.

After Thanksgiving dinner I set out to decorate the cabin.  Nanny’s cabin.  The family always spends Thanksgiving at the cabin.  We have for many years.  I was so afraid it would be too sad, but it wasn’t.  I found a great deal of peace and contentment being in that place that Nanny loved.

I have planned ever since that day to spend this weekend decorating the house in town.  When I went down stairs to get the decorations,  I pulled the decorations out of the closet only to find myself sinking into a devistating mood of not just melancholy, but remorse.

Due to this sense of terminal loss, I feel it necessary to walk through these stages of grief.  I need to make sure that I am doing this right.  I need to make sure that my journey to acceptance and understanding isn’t blocked from my own doing.

Schroeder in tree

denial –  As the reality of loss is hard to face, one of the first reactions to follow the loss is Denial. The person is trying to shut out the reality or magnitude of his/her situation, and begins to develop a false, preferable reality.

I am all too aware of my loss.  Living with Dad has helped me get through this state.

anger – Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. The person in question can be angry with himself, or with others, or at a higher power, and especially those who are close to them.

******* This is it!  I am angry!  I am sad!  I am mad at God!  My mothers grandmother lived to be 111 years old.  My grandmother lived to be 99.  I spent my entire life thinking that Mom would live this long too.  How dare God take her away from me before at least 99.  How dare him!

   “I want her back!” 

Of course I am an adult.  I know, I am all too aware that getting her back is impossible.  I guess that is where some of the anger I feel comes from.

Can I do this Christmas thing without her.  I’m not naive enough to think that it will stop.  I know that somehow we will muddle through. And, I believe that if there is a way.  If it is at all possible, Mom will be there with us.  She is with us now!  She never wanted to leave.  There was just nothing that anyone could do to stop it.

bargaining –   The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow undo or avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle.

Well, maybe I’m here too.  Can you be in a number of stages all at the same time.  This, I will have to discuss with my therapist.

depression –  “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die soon so what’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”

Ok, well I’m moving into this one too!  That’s it!  I’ll just move through all three of these together.  I won’t have to deal with them one at a time.  I can look forward to a time when I’m ok with all this.

Mom had a life well lived!  She was an exemplary roll model for a whole lot of people.  Her life and mission made others lives and missions more possible.

She had this overwhelming ability to cause all that were with her to feel better.  She brought hope, where there was none.  She caused love and joy where it had not existed before.

And, the most important of all…. she did it very humbly.  Never wanting anything for herself, only for those whose lives she touched.  And, there were many that were touched.

She would not have me suffering, so I will do all in my power to work through all these steps faithfully and wholly.

You see, there was a time in my life when I suffered great devistation.  I chose to deny what I had been through.  I did what the definition fully implies. ” The person is trying to shut out the reality or magnitude of his/her situation, and begins to develop a false, preferable reality.”   This nearly cost me my life, it did cause my loss of happiness and joy.  It cost so many years of my life, that I dare not think about them all.  Mom helped me through all of it and helped me to get to the other side.  I will honor her life and her presence in mine by not allowing that to happen again.

This Christmas!  This time of Christmas that Mom and I loved and cherished will be spent in remembrance of her love, her life and all that she did.  Not just for me but for so many others.

                                            “I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.”

                                                                                Charles DickensFuzzy Christmas!

from A to Z

    When you think of “A”, it’s thought of as the beginning.  ABCs

     So, if “A” is the beginning, then “Z” would be the end.  Wouldn’t it?

photo 1 (1)

What if “Z” was only a re-spite.  Only something that happens to get you to something wonderful.

What if something better were to take place after you got to Z.  What if getting to Z wasn’t the end, maybe just a rest before starting at “A” again?

Maybe, “B – Y”, is just what will happen in the by & by. Maybe, just maybe it is a field of flowers ready to be picked, or adventures ready to be had!

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http://supportgc.org/events/a-broads-brush-2014/

Slumps, and other things…..

   Slumps….

I must admit that after the rainy crafts fair last month, I have been in somewhat of a slump.  No reason! Well, maybe so…..  I have had a few things to cause me melancholy.  A few mishaps, perhaps!

                          After going to the Renaissance Center April 3rd, I woke up the next morning feeling very good.  I felt like I was in the running!  Felt like I could conquer the world.

                          Went outside at 6:30 to leave for school, as I do every morning.  Walked to the car with a hand full of things to take with me.  Opened the door, placed all my things in the passenger seat, and turned the key.   NOTHING!, no motor revving, no click, no cough, NOTHING!

                           To make a long story short, after having the car towed to mechanic and spending 7 days without a car.  ( If you have a company called Lyft in your town, USE THEM!  It was so great being driven around for relatively little, by a nice personable person-several nice people)  Any hoot, it cost an arm and a leg!  They kept my car so long, I should have charged rent!  Wonder how mechanic’s would like that?

                          A couple of days into my car less condition I received a message saying my niece’s son had been rushed to a hospital in Chattanooga, TN.  He then went to Scottish Rite in Atlanta, then was admitted into Egleston Hospital Childrens Hospital, associated with Emory University in Atlanta.  This sweet precious kid is only 3 years old.  Cutest thing in the world!  The day I met him for the first time, I fell in love!  You can’t help but fall in love with this little boy.   They don’t live in the same town, and I don’t have a car, so going to be with my sister or niece, OUT OF THE QUESTION!

I declared to myself that I would not allow myself to be in this slumpish state.  I needed my art more than ever.  A little creativity and I would feel so much better.  It would help me put things in prospective, encourage my determination….           Sounds good doesn’t it?  Ha!

There is a little clutch purse that I started quite a while back.  It needed a little bit of  touch up, and I hadn’t been available to complete it while preparing for  Spring Spectacular in March.

I decided that since I couldn’t think of anything else creative to do, I would finish the purse. DSCN0643 (2)

I had a man that I date come to pick me up at school the day I had to go pay for the repairs.  We then went to grab a pizza and then go back to my place to see a movie.

During the evening, I got up to go into the kitchen and get some drinks.  Ron said, “Becky, have you had those pants on all day?”  I said, “Yes, why?”

Ron said, ” There is a real big hole on your bottom.”  Then, of course he tried to hold back a laugh, but couldn’t.  I, on the other hand screamed!  OMG!  How long could I have walked around, School….. Town….. ( Oh, we stopped by Kroger too!)  then went into a restaurant, were there for over an hour.  I wonder how many people I helped to laugh that night!

Hence, the slump!

A couple of days went by, we were having “Morning Circle” at school, singing….”The more we get together, together, together…the more we get together, the happier we’ll be.”

I asked Lisa if she had noticed the hole in my pants, and of course her eye’s got real big and she exclaimed, “No, of course not.  If I had noticed, I would have said something.”

It was at this exact moment that I was hit with this idea…. “Damn!”  What a great idea, I thought.  What is the old saying.  When life gives you lemon’s, you make lemonade!

DSCN0645 (3)DSCN0646DSCN0647 (2)Ta Da!

I tie dyed this material myself.  I can’t sell either of these purses, don’t think they are of that quality.  But, it did help to stretch my horizons and get me out of my funk!

 I do have other purses for sale in my Etsy Shop http://www.etsy.com/shop/allbeckyscreations

 

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The Renaissance Center, Dickson, TN

Dickson mural

Dickson mural (Photo credit: osmium)

The Renaissance Center in Dickson, TN

 

 


 

I had an appointment with the curator at the Renaissance Center in Dickson, TN Monday after work.  Well, 4:30 to be precise.

 

I get off at 3:15, so I got right on the highway and started on my 40 minute drive.  Hoping to be early, just in case.

 

From the moment I got on the highway I kept seeing messages on the signs across the highway saying 40 west was closed at mile marker 182.  I just kept driving down the highway.

 

Since I have lived in Nashville for over 20 years, I know how to get to Dickson, TN the old fashion way on county roads.  Did I get off the highway and take any of them.  Well, I thought about it, but just kept on driving for fear I would be late.

 

I got 23 miles down the road to Kingston Spring, TN and saw traffic up ahead.  Did I pull off and get on any of those county roads.  Hell NO!  ?

 

I just decided that I wanted to get behind all those cars and wait forever.  I just stopped, then almost immediately drove .001 miles up the road and stopped again.  Do I need to tell you how bad I hate semi’s.  Oh my god, I’m in my little Mini Cooper and I spent most of my time trying to stay away from the semi’s, and that is not easy in interstate traffic.

 

I did call and explain my predicament, so that was cool.  The curator was very understanding and kept telling me to just be careful.  As a semi came up from no where behind me.  If you get in the left lane the right lane goes faster, if you move to the right lane, the left picks up.  Ugh!  Turns out that a tanker truck, (semi) was involved in an accident and caught on fire. I remember when I was in insurance we called the drivers of oil tankers Suicide Drivers.  Why not haul ice cream?  Beer?  Cokes…. I mean really!  Or, oh, oh,  haul chocolate.  That’s the ticket!  Chocolate ice cream.  Ha!  I could get into that!

 

I got there at 6pm.  Ugh!  Lisa, the curator was there with a smile on her face waiting. Such a warm and personable lady.

 

I showed her several framed drawings that I took with me.  She took 3 of them to sale in the market!  YAY!!!

 

Before I left I forgot that I had several drawings that had not been framed in my portfolio.  I showed these to Lisa as well and she asked that I get three more framed and call her.  She wanted to put those in the market as well.  Ha!

 

All of a sudden, it didn’t matter what time it was, how long I had sat on the highway.  I didn’t matter that I hadn’t gotten on a country road…. nothing mattered except for the absolute thrilling feeling of satisfaction and excitement.

 

Dickson County Courthouse in Charlotte

Dickson County Courthouse in Charlotte (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

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Today is the Day!

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 I looked up the Bottom View Farm in Portland, TN and it is beautiful.

This is going to be a great experience!  I am so excited for the opportunity for expansion and growth, for me as a artist, but also for me as a grown up who is willing to throw caution to the wind and go out there into the world to say, ” I am good enough to do this, and I’m willing to take the chance!”

 

So much to do before I leave, I must go and prepare…..

 

It is raining!  I hope it stops before 4pm, but if not I have an indoor booth.  At least getting wet will be minimal!

 

Ps…. ” Lord, it is raining hard!  Whew!