getting started is half the battle

getting started…. Where do I start?

Some of you may already know this, but just in case…. I moved in with my Dad  July 1st after my Mom passed away.

I came back to Georgia after living in Nashville, TN for 27 years.  Leaving behind not only dear, dear friends but also my grown children.  Both of my children consider Nashville their home town even though neither was born there. 

It has taken me 3 1/2 weeks to get my art studio the way I want it.  Well, everything but artwork on the walls.  I’m still waiting to hang stuff. It has been months since my creative juices flowed.  I don’t  remember what month I completed my last piece of art work.  It was probably April, or maybe March.  No, I’m pretty sure it was April.

It is true that I have been in a state of some depression, which always causes problems with creativity.  But, in light of the fact that I have worked diligently to turn my art into a career, I have been concerned that I needed to get down here in this new studio and be creative.  I may not be able to create anything that I feel is sales worthy, but it is important to start creating.

OMG!

My daughter was recently in Chicago and took a photo of the sunrise over the Great Lakes.  I decided this photo would be an excellent one to start with. There wasn’t an enormous amount of articulate detail work, so this would be great.  Ha!  There it sits on my painting table.

 

Then, when I realized that this was not going to be something I wanted to work on at this point, I found the garden apron I made back in the fall.  This apron was humongous.  I thought a family of clowns would fit comfortably into my apron.  Garden apron

See, I told you it was ginormous!

I started altering the seams on the side to make it a better fit.  I worked on it for a couple of days.  Once I felt it was of a more appropriate size, I decided to tie-dye it.  I thought it would make a aesthetically more appealing appearance. my disclaimer… I have tie-dyed before very successfully.

shattered dreams splitting seams

 

OH LOrd!  Look what I did!

ruined!  RUINED!

all that work I put into this apron, and it’s “Ruined!”

( the tie-dye was a complete failure)

UGH!

So, I got this bright idea that I would find something to draw!  Draw, I can do that!  Well, I found another seascape, and I started working on it.  Ugh! barely started

I don’t know how this got so messy, but it did and then I got frustrated. I just really don’t know what I’m gonna do?

I guess I’m gonna go back to my studio tomorrow and I’m going to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EFPJL1uQbs

 

 

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Change is constant…

Mom0001You know how it goes….. just about the time you get real use to the way things are…. something changes.

You have to stop and rearrange your thoughts, your attitudes, your visions, dreams, wishes…..  home, possessions.

 In 2010 my Mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  It was a very traumatic experience for us all.  I watched as my Mom courageously accepted her chemo as a way of life.  She held her head high,  smiling and being as lovely as she ever was, and she always was very lovely!  Once the diagnosis of remission occurred we all celebrated.  Every month that she went in to have her status checked, and they reported more remission, we were ecstatic!

These great reports continued for a good long while, then around November Mom started to complain about how bad she felt.  The bad feelings grew and by Christmas she was saying that she knew something bad was happening.  I just thought, that no, it couldn’t be…..  She had been given a clean bill of health…..

There must come a time in one’s life that they admit to themselves that they are too old for fairy tales.  Too old to not understand that life happens, times change.  Well, there should be that time, but it never happens until something else happens first.

After many different doctors visits, and many visits to the emergency room…. Mom & Dad were finally told that Mom had cancer cells in her kidneys.

How could this be?  There was great sadness.

I spent Spring break in Georgia with my parents.  It was obvious that Mom was not feeling well.  She wasn’t eating and I didn’t think Dad was either.  Everyone cried so hard when I left that I felt so guilty  going back to Tennessee, I thought hard about staying with my parents.

I guess I could be more detailed with dates and times, but I just can’t remember and after all in the final analysis, what does it really matter, I mean it happened!  What else matters!

My family in Georgia, me in Tennessee.  I had so many stories, from different people, different angles, different attitudes, hopes and realizations…. I wasn’t truly sure what to think.  I decided I must go home.  But, school would not be over for another month.  So, I told everyone that I would go home on June 1st for a time.  A time to spend with Mom, and help my sister and father.  ( Yes, I thought I had all the time in the world)

I got a call from my Dad the last week of April.  Mom was not benefiting from the chemo that she had taken twice after discovery of the cancer cells.  The doctor was discontinuing any further treatments.  She had been sent home.  The doctor told Dad and my sister that hospice had been called.

“Hospice!” “NO!”  OMG!

Needless to say, I went home to Georgia.  As, immediately as possible.

I got home on April 29th, Mom was sitting in her recliner with a blanket that I had given her from Christmas around her body.  My sister told me before I even left TN that she didn’t even look the same.

I walked over to Mother and knelt by her chair.  The very first thing she said, “Becky, I’m dying.”  I swallowed a sob, and said “I know,  Mom.” ” I Love You, so much!”  She said she loved me too.  I continued to stay with her for a time.  Then I went into the kitchen and made a grocery list and went to the store.  When I went to the end of Mom’s  chair, she said she was glad I was going to the store.  That is the last lucid conversation we had.

My Mom passed away on May 4th.

I guess even as an adult, I still could not accept the inevitability of my parents mortality.  I was the baby, did I mention that?  Mom referred to me to the end as her baby.  Well, when she talked to me she did.

The following Monday I went back to Tennessee.  I went to school the next day, and it wasn’t too hard to see that wasn’t going to work.  I luckily had enough vacation time left to take the last 3 weeks of school off.

At the onset of Mom’s kidney failure the one thing that I had discussed with Mom & Dad was the chance that I could come back to Georgia to be with them permanently.  I had said that I thought that would be a good idea, especially since I didn’t think that Dad was taking care of himself, even though he was taking very good care of Mom. There was just a part of me that never truly thought rationally about Mother dying, just kept telling myself that it would happen later.  After Mom’s passing, Dad asked me when I would come home to be with him.  I packed up and moved as soon as I could.   I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t.

As of July 1st, I am back in Georgia with Dad.  I will miss everything I left behind in Tennessee, my kids, my friends.  But, I am glad to be home with Dad.

I am working on setting up my studio downstairs, and as soon as that is done…. well, I’m gonna try to get back in the swing of being creative as creative as possible.  I am in a bit of a slump, but I think just the act of doing will get me back in the spirit to creative expression.

Mom has a plaque hanging in the kitchen.  It says, ” Life is what happens, while you are making other plans.”  It is true, the only constant in life is change.  And, that’s not always good changes.

disclaimer:    I am terribly sorry if there are typo’s or askew’d  grammar malfunctions.  I wrote this mainly as therapy and so I don’t want to have to read this again.  Forgive me!  And Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Becky

Slumps, and other things…..

   Slumps….

I must admit that after the rainy crafts fair last month, I have been in somewhat of a slump.  No reason! Well, maybe so…..  I have had a few things to cause me melancholy.  A few mishaps, perhaps!

                          After going to the Renaissance Center April 3rd, I woke up the next morning feeling very good.  I felt like I was in the running!  Felt like I could conquer the world.

                          Went outside at 6:30 to leave for school, as I do every morning.  Walked to the car with a hand full of things to take with me.  Opened the door, placed all my things in the passenger seat, and turned the key.   NOTHING!, no motor revving, no click, no cough, NOTHING!

                           To make a long story short, after having the car towed to mechanic and spending 7 days without a car.  ( If you have a company called Lyft in your town, USE THEM!  It was so great being driven around for relatively little, by a nice personable person-several nice people)  Any hoot, it cost an arm and a leg!  They kept my car so long, I should have charged rent!  Wonder how mechanic’s would like that?

                          A couple of days into my car less condition I received a message saying my niece’s son had been rushed to a hospital in Chattanooga, TN.  He then went to Scottish Rite in Atlanta, then was admitted into Egleston Hospital Childrens Hospital, associated with Emory University in Atlanta.  This sweet precious kid is only 3 years old.  Cutest thing in the world!  The day I met him for the first time, I fell in love!  You can’t help but fall in love with this little boy.   They don’t live in the same town, and I don’t have a car, so going to be with my sister or niece, OUT OF THE QUESTION!

I declared to myself that I would not allow myself to be in this slumpish state.  I needed my art more than ever.  A little creativity and I would feel so much better.  It would help me put things in prospective, encourage my determination….           Sounds good doesn’t it?  Ha!

There is a little clutch purse that I started quite a while back.  It needed a little bit of  touch up, and I hadn’t been available to complete it while preparing for  Spring Spectacular in March.

I decided that since I couldn’t think of anything else creative to do, I would finish the purse. DSCN0643 (2)

I had a man that I date come to pick me up at school the day I had to go pay for the repairs.  We then went to grab a pizza and then go back to my place to see a movie.

During the evening, I got up to go into the kitchen and get some drinks.  Ron said, “Becky, have you had those pants on all day?”  I said, “Yes, why?”

Ron said, ” There is a real big hole on your bottom.”  Then, of course he tried to hold back a laugh, but couldn’t.  I, on the other hand screamed!  OMG!  How long could I have walked around, School….. Town….. ( Oh, we stopped by Kroger too!)  then went into a restaurant, were there for over an hour.  I wonder how many people I helped to laugh that night!

Hence, the slump!

A couple of days went by, we were having “Morning Circle” at school, singing….”The more we get together, together, together…the more we get together, the happier we’ll be.”

I asked Lisa if she had noticed the hole in my pants, and of course her eye’s got real big and she exclaimed, “No, of course not.  If I had noticed, I would have said something.”

It was at this exact moment that I was hit with this idea…. “Damn!”  What a great idea, I thought.  What is the old saying.  When life gives you lemon’s, you make lemonade!

DSCN0645 (3)DSCN0646DSCN0647 (2)Ta Da!

I tie dyed this material myself.  I can’t sell either of these purses, don’t think they are of that quality.  But, it did help to stretch my horizons and get me out of my funk!

 I do have other purses for sale in my Etsy Shop http://www.etsy.com/shop/allbeckyscreations

 

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