Match maker, Match maker….. ?
Night after night, am I really alone?
On November 15, 2011 at exactly 9am I divorced my high school sweetheart and father of my two (three) children. I’m not even gonna tell you how long we were married before I divorced. Not gonna do it.
Around 6 months later I was toying with the idea of dating. One evening while shopping after going to dinner with my kids, both my daughter and daughter in law announced to me that I would have to wait at least a year. ” You aren’t ready yet” my daughter announced. And I said, ” Oh, really and who decided that?” Before I got those words out of my mouth, they both said with resounding voices, ” You just aren’t yet, give it a year. You just aren’t ready now.” I looked over past the clothes racks as a woman looked at me with a smile on her face, laughing under her breath. I wasn’t laughing.
I spent two years on dating sites. I dated nice men, but I must admit that most were not. I came into contact with many scammers, trying to get my money and identity. The dating sites all give you warnings, they give advice on what to do if one hooks you, and how not to be hooked. I did it anyway. I would always initially talk not knowing whether they were. Then at a point, sometimes quickly, sometimes not I would realize what they were about. Sometimes I would quickly end it, but I must admit it became a challenge. I would talk it out as long as possible, being very careful to never give anyone any personal information. I became amazed at the crazy stories these men would concoct. I found myself making stuff up too, just to make it juicey. And, I became quite acquainted with phone sex! I know many people who have taken long distance chatting into a long term marriage, but believe me…. that didn’t happen to me.
I will begin with the first such scammer. The most tame of all the others.
On February 7, 2012 I had a *****.com party. Ha! I kept being told no one ever did that before. So! I’m celebrating. My kids have finally given me the go ahead to date! Ha! Of course I waited, I was afraid they were right.
It took us forever to write my profile. It had to be right and my best friend, Michele’s husband took numerous pictures before I would pick one. Well, Michele picked one. I think they were tired of me saying no to every last one. We drank beer, we drank wine and by the time I was done, I thought it was perfect! Ha!
Before the night was over, I had numerous messages, emails from men. Men of all ages.
Eek! What to do, what to do? What am I suppose to do? God, I was nervous! I forgot that it had been 40 years since I had dated anyone besides my ex. I had no idea what was about to happen to me, none.
Excluding all the obvious jerk , somehow my common sense left me and I started talking to a man from California. Since I had just begun my dating adventure and did considered myself hard up or tired of the process, (yet) I don’t know what got into me? Nope, I have no idea. But, smart Becky started communicating with this man every day by message. He only had certain times he called because of “his son” that lived with him. I just went along with it hook, line and sinker.( I know, I know…. don’t ask)
Within a few weeks, for lack of anything else to call him, let’s say his name was Timmy. (that isn’t his real name) He always called me at night when I should have been in bed asleep, but I sat up like a goober and talked to Timmy. Timmy was German, he had moved to California after attending school, I assumed it was in Germany. Ok, the first thing that he said that should have told me to run, was that he had a degree in contracting. I remember thinking that sounded stupid, but I just keep on talking. (You did hear me say that I wasn’t desperate, didn’t ya?) He had also told me his “wife” had left him after his son was born.
His father had been a US soldier stationed in Germany during World War II. His mother had been a factory worker in Hamburg. They met while his father was on furlough. Timmys father was from California so when his wife left him, after he graduated from college, with his degree in contracting he moved back to his fathers home town. A place he said he had never visited before he moved there.
Timmy told me that he built highway systems “all over the world”. He spoke 3 languages. But, he was recently unemployed. Timmy was looking for a job while his son was in school. “He was very wealthy, or so he said”. I immediately told him I was not. I told him this so if he was a scammer he would leave me alone. No such deal. So I kept talking to him.
The conversations continued for a good while. He told me about bringing his son to Nashville to meet me. He talked about moving to Nashville, since he could live anywhere he wanted because of the job he didn’t have. The thing that finally jarred me into reality was something he said about his former wife. Or not! He said that he had caught his girlfriend messaging friends on Yahoo messenger after they moved to California. I told him that I thought that he was married. “Oh, I was”, he said. That was before they got married. Ok, even stupid people would pick up on this. Wouldn’t they? I think so. Then, I started asking more questions about his job, his degree…. turned out that he said he had lived in Sweden since he was a small boy. He moved there with his grandmother after his mother died given birth to him. “?” All of a sudden I woke up from the fog I had been deluding myself with. I told him that I didn’t believe any of this story, there is no such thing as a contractors degree. He said, “there is in Europe”. No! I told him that I needed to get up early, so I needed to go. I was so ashamed of myself, plus I was scared. Had I told him anything I shouldn’t? Did I give him my address, I didn’t think I had? Thank God I didn’t have a land line.
The next morning he called before I could walk out the door to work. He had an anxiousness to his voice. He said he would Never Lie To Me. I told him that I would prefer not to talk to him again. He tried on several occasions to contact me, but I didn’t answer. I felt very naive and ashamed.
Was I desperate? I really didn’t want to believe I was.
I continue to believe that “He” is out there.